NEW VAMPIRE GENE BOOK PLANNED ...

Sam says ...

It has been over two years since I put pen to paper to tell a tale of my immortal's in 'Silent Sand'. Those that have read the fifth volume in the series may suspect why. My vampires have been extremely quiet of late.

Since then I have gone on to write new things. A steampunk series (Kat Lightfoot Mysteries), the first volume in a post-apocalyptic trilogy (Jinx Town), and a short sci-fi novel (The Darkness Within).


The first novel in the Vampire Gene Series 'Killing Kiss' was also sold to a German publisher last year for translation.

Even so, Lilly, Gabi and Caesare have remained quiet.

But I'm happy to tell you I have heard some news of them this week. And they have a new tale to tell me. Provisionally this story is called JADED JEWEL. But I will know more once the tale begins to unravel.

For now though I thank you all for bearing with me on this long wait. A new book is itching to be written and more news will follow soon.

Gabriele Says ...

I read what Lilly wrote the other day about this strange thing called I'm A Celebrity ... and I'm not sure I totally agree with her ...

As far as I can make out, the twenty first century is obsessed with 'celebrity' and yet people have little clue what it actually means. It is a career aspiration for young girls at school to 'be a celebrity', and yet they have no idea how to get there. The route seems to involve wearing very little, having sex with as many men as you can, falling out of clubs and taxis wearing very little, pretending to be attracted to women as well as men, having affairs with famous men and women, and then telling the newspapers how dreadful it all is that everyone talks about you all the time, while being pictured wearing very little and falling drunk out of clubs and taxis. It's totally bewildering.

I looked the word 'celebrity' up to see what the actual definition was. Here's what I found:

• A famous person, especially in entertainment or sport
• The state of being well known

There's also an interesting article on something called Wikipedia which Lilly showed me. You can see it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Celebrity.

What is interesting to me is that these definitions don't actually include any validation as to exactly why a person is famous. For me, you would celebrate someone because they have achieved something which is worth celebrating ... my uncle Giulio for example, he was a great musician, feted in the day, and celebrated at parties across the land ... so he was a Celebrity was he? And what about Chez and Lucrezia? There are articles on this Wikipedia about them too ... and their father was Pope! So are they all Celebrities as well? I certainly wouldn't want to celebrate their family's achievements ...

Taking this into the jungle then, and there are very few people there who I would want to celebrate. I asked Lilly: which of them would you throw a party for to celebrate their achievements? If you take that tack, then maybe Fatima Whitbread (for her atheletic prowess); Willie Carson (for all those horseracing wins); and Stefanie Powers (a Hollywood actress, who has appeared in over 100 television and film productions since 1958 - Lilly told me that her real name is Stefania Zofya Federkiewicz - who would have believed it!) ... but who else? Some man who plays drums in a boy band, a man with muscles who is in a reality drama of some sort, two girls who have surgically enhanced their bodies so they can be models, a lady who is an actress of some sort and who loves her teddy, another women who I cannot understand a word she says, a radio DJ, another soap opera actor, and a singer who had some popular records twenty years ago. There's nothing worth celebrating there. None of these people have done anything that hundreds of others haven't done as well, if not better. The only other vaguely interesting person was Freddie Starr, apparently a comedian, but even I could tell he was not a well man.

The culture of the time seems to idolise the non-achiever. To lift up onto a pedestal people who have no right to be there. Role models are the unachieving walking disaster areas which fill the television channels. Aspiration for young girls is to get their breasts made bigger; for boys it's to be in a pop group and to go out with models with fake breasts; and for both it's to be famous ... without a thought as to how or for what. Hard work and talent seems to count for nothing.

But then that makes the culling so much easier. We can take people who are vapid and vacuous, who aspire to nothing and are simply walking wastes of space and air, and put them to very good use indeed. And on that note, I'm a little thirsty ...

Yours
Gabriele Caccini

Lilly Says ...

I'm a Celebrity Get me out of here is on again and I have been following this reality TV programme since the second season. There is something very amusing about seeing people being fed insects to eat, being put through the rigours of 'bush-tucker trials' and sleeping rough in the jungle, with all of their luxuries taken away.

I also like to consider how each of these would taste during their terror or triumph. It's something of a fetish of mine. Adrenaline can give us an addictive rush if the victim is hyped up enough in the right way.

This year however I'm not finding the selection the slightest bit yummy or remotely funny. The so-called celebs are the worst bunch of zed-listers I've ever seen.

• Stephanie Powers - Hollywood Actress - starred in over 80 movies 

Okay Stephanie is a celeb - I agree. She starred in loads of films as well as a hugely successful series called Hart to Hart with Robert Wagner. Is she interesting in the jungle though? Not really. Blood - there probably is some in her veins, but I suspect it would lack nourishment.

• Anthony Cotton - Apparently famous for a series called Queer as Folk and for Coronation Street. 

I'd never heard of him before as I haven't watched either of these series. Is he a celeb? He's a British soap actor so possibly more than most. Anthony is quite likable and he does reasonably well on the trials despite his phobias. He likes to cook the food and seems to know what he's doing. I think Anthony would make a very tasty snack. He'd probably prefer to be bitten by Gabi or Chez though ...

• Lorraine Chase - Famous for being a cockney model with long hair. She also starred in Emmerdale recently.

Lorraine comes over well. She seems very sweet, but I suspect she has a strong side. I was quite impressed with her assertive dealings with Fatima. She's likable. Might be entertaining if she gets a chance to do a trial as I suspect she'll be terrified but go for it anyway. As for her blood ... It's my experience that very thin women don't taste well. I like a little cholesterol in my donations.

• Fatima Whitbread - Olympic Athlete.

Fatima comes over badly in the show. She is manipulative and competitive. She is also the person who looks for arguments and fights with the others. Is she a celeb? Hell no! She's an athlete - how does that make you a celebrity in anyone's eyes? I bet her neck would be tough to chew on.

• Mark Wright - Who?

Mark is supposed to be the eye-candy for female viewers. Puh-lease ... I'd never heard of him before this show - there's something about 'Towie' and 'Essex' that keeps banding around that makes little sense to me. I don't care for Mark. He's full of himself and very annoying.I expect his blood would be flavourless. In fact, I have no urge to even have a nibble.

• Jessica-Jane Clement. - Again - Who??

A very pretty and seemingly sweet girl, Jessica-Jane is unfortunately still not what I'd call a celebrity. I'd never heard of her before this show. Even so, I see she could make interesting viewing if they gave her more to do than take showers. She has great boobs though. Nutritionally I suspect she would bridge the gap between lunch and dinner quite nicely or make a nice dessert.

• Sinita - 80's Pop Star was her tag line. Some connection with Simon Cowell and X-Factor.

Is Sinita a celeb? Well - having a failed pop career doesn't make you that much of a celeb, but at least she does have some claim to fame. Also it takes a brave girl to date Simon Cowell and then remain friends with him afterwards. I was saying to Gabi today that what usually makes I'm a Celebrity ... interesting is when you have a participant who is scared but some how they triumph over their fears. Or some of the screamers are actually funny. Sinita I feel is something of a Gillian McKeith: she screams a lot, but none of it is that genuine. Fake. Boring. The squealing makes me want to rip her throat out - it's not amusing at all. Weak females are as dull as misogynistic men. Even so, I suspect her blood would be pretty tasty. All that hyped adrenaline. Yum.

• Freddie Starr - Comedian. Man who supposedly ate a hamster. 

Freddie showed great promise at the first trial, but I knew when he walked into camp that he was totally unfit to be there. It was no surprise that his health took him out of the jungle very soon after. He's a little too unhealthy looking and wouldn't be my first choice of a meal.

• Willie Carson - Jockey - What the fuck?

I suppose at least that most people had heard of Carson. He's not particularly what I would call a celebrity though. He had a long and successful career as a jockey though. Willie seems a decent guy - but that wouldn't stop me munching on his jugular if the mood took me. I'd imagine his blood would be nutritious.

• Emily Scott - Topless Model? Celeb? I think not ...

Not too sure but Emily is a new arrival, following Freddie's exit. She may well have been brought in to replace him and so the producers of the show could be excused for bringing in someone that no one has ever heard of - oh wait - most of them you've never heard of ... Would I have Emily as an aperitif? Sure. She would probably be quite fun and it would be interesting to see if there is anything going on in that bimbo brain of hers.

• Pat Sharp - 80's DJ and Children's Entertainer (I Think!)

Pat scored brownie points for looking after Sinita on their first night - spent in a cave with many insects. He seems calm and kind. Boring as hell though ... And when he was selecting all the young and beautiful people to be on his team, he came over as quite sleazy. Maybe he was a celebrity once, but if no one remembers you, or has heard of you, why do you still retain the title? Having said that, I wouldn't turn him out of my larder - he'd be a mature snack to enjoy sometimes.

• Dougie Poynter - Musician.

I had to look up Dougie to learn that he was with the boy band McFly. Again, I'd never heard of him. This raises the question of - is he a celebrity then? Well, probably more so than Mark, Jessica-Jane, Emily, Pat and Chrissie. At least McFly was a fairly recent success. Out of all the men, Dougie is definitely the sexiest. He's understated, mild natured, not full of himself and I'd enjoy stalking him one dark night. I'm sure he'd taste of sensual sex ...

(Sigh. Chez is getting a little jealous as he's reading this over my shoulder)

• Chrissie Rock - Soap Star on Benidorm

I have caught the occasional episode of Benidorm. It wasn't my cup of blood to be honest, and I don't recall Chrissie so she obviously had no impact on me. Before I comment on her celebrity status I'd like to ask you a rhetorical question. What is a celebrity? You see I think a celebrity should be classy, sophisticated, talented, attractive. Unfortunately Chrissie doesn't fulfil any of that criteria. Her accent annoys me beyond belief. She was supposed to be a comedienne, however, only she laughs at her jokes. The others politely smile - because she's not funny. I wouldn't bite her and I'm sure neither of the boys would bother either. I'd enjoy snapping her neck to stop her telling anymore of those ridiculous jokes though, and I'm sure the campmates would applaud if I did.

Overall, I'm totally disappointed with the roundup this year as there is only one seriously yummy contender, and no genuine laughs or real adrenalined fear to feed off.

Lilly x

About the Planet

I was looking the other day at statistics on the state of the world. How much natural fuel remains for example. How many births there are every second in comparison to how few deaths. I asked Lilly about it because she was doing something called 'surfing' on the internet. I am getting a little better with the laptop. It's easy for me to type but I sometimes don't understand the technology. It's all a bit like voodoo at times.

The planet seems to be in a bit of a mess. There are not enough deaths to the ratio of births for definite. Even my old-fashioned brain can figure that one out. The planet's oil resources - last time I looked - would deplete in 15,360 days or so. Which is 42 years approximately. That may seem like a lot of years to you - but believe me in my lifetime that is a blink of the eye. Lilly assures me, however, that it won't matter one jot to us as some human will discover a new source of energy. I don't care anyway. Horses and carriages was a perfectly good mode of transport and because we fly, air travel is not needed anyway.

Lilly told me that people now have to pay for carrier bags in the welsh supermarkets as this is the way they are trying to discourage you from using so many of them.  It's something to go with the fact that the bags don't deteriorate in landfill - I had to get her to explain landfill. when I understood what it meant it made me realise just how much humanity had messed up.

Anyway - I just wanted to say - you should take better care of this planet. We immortals are going to inhabit it for a long time and I would appreciate it if you all stopped having so many children too - although I do know a very good way of culling a few of you.

Regards,
Chez Borgia

Now, Voyager - Lilly Says ...

After Gabi was so enthusiastic about the Bette Davis film, Now, Voyager, I sat down and watched it this morning.

As Gabi says, for the time, it is well-written. But I had some major issues with it.

One: Charlotte Vale (Bette Davis) fell in love with Jerry Durrance (Paul Henreid) on a voyage while recovering from a nervous breakdown. She knows from the start that the guy is married, but is told by his friends that this is a very unhappy marriage. All clear so far? Then she spends five days alone with him (presumably having an affair but this is all very discreet) and afterwards the guy just goes back to his wife. They promise to not see each other again - but Durrance sends Camellias to her regularly as a present. It's my opinion that Durrance is an abusive asshole. If he's so unhappy as is implied, why doesn't he leave the wife and be with the woman he says he's in love with?

Two: Charlotte Vale starts to have yet another breakdown when her goddamn awful mother dies during an argument with her. She feels guilty but inherits all of her mother's substantial wealth - wrong! This is the moment of true freedom and so she should be jumping for joy!

Three: Vale goes back to the loony clinic and finds Durrance's ugly duckling daughter there. She's having therapy because Durrance's wife never wanted her ... same scenario as Vale herself. Vale makes an attempt to befriend the daughter and decides not to have her guilt breakdown over her mother's death. Does anyone else see the problem with this scenario but me?

Four: Vale decides to take the daughter camping - and then to live in her expensive mansion in Boston. Erm ... the doctor just lets her take his 12 year old patient away ... strange behaviour indeed.

Five: When Durrance learns that his daughter's new friend is Vale, he doesn't say - 'Oh my God you creepy stalker ...' which actually might be a little closer to the truth. He says 'I love you and agrees to let her keep his kid and pretend she is 'theirs'.

Mmmm. Not very realistic really in today's society Gabi. Although I don't deny that the execution of the plot was in fact well-done.

Maybe it's my twenty-first-century girl's mind that just doesn't get it, but this scenario taking place today would require a court injunction.

Lilly.

Now, Voyager

Gabi Says:

A little bored yesterday and so I found myself, with the greatest of ease, watching a black and white film I haven't seen for a very long time. As you know I enjoy the cinema as well as the theatre. Old movies have a fascination for me, however in recent years I have been more devoted to watching horror movies. They are, for the most part, quiet hilarious.

A change of pace then - Now, Voyager. A film staring that gorgeous, big-eyed beauty Bette Davis. I met her of course in the 50's when she was at the height of her fame. But I digress ...

Now, Voyager tells the story of the plain-Jane, Charlotte Vale: an aging spinster who is at the mercy of her vindictive mother. Charlotte is always aware that she was the pregnancy and baby that her mother never wanted. Through a series of flashbacks you see the damage the mother has done to the woman, ruining her chances of marriage, not allowing her to cut her hair, chose her own clothing, or even diet when she becomes overweight. She is in fact a slave to her mother.

That's all I'm going to tell you of the plot - you will have to see the film for yourself. I will say this though, I was amazed at how well this one has stood the test of time, especially with my changing tastes in cinema. It was a very well constructed story, extremely well acted and I thoroughly enjoyed lying around in the lair watching it while Lilly, Chez and Anja went out clothing shopping - again.

Somewhat hilarious that I am recommending this film to you ... but watching Bet, reminding me of a night long ago, when she almost became one of my trophies. She was a wise woman with a future and destiny of her own to fulfil. No full blooded male could fail to find her completely fascinating though, and I for one, fell under her spell like millions of males at that time.

Yours
Gabriele Caccini

Lilly Says:

Being the Matriarch of the Vampire Gene family wasn't exactly a career choice I had in mind ...

When I meet Gabriele at Manchester University in 2006 I thought I was looking forward to a career in teaching. I was doing my English degree - and much to my father's chagrin - I hadn't gone to Oxford as he had. I must have been such a disappointment!

Then I met Gabi and my whole world changed. If you don't know about it then you need to pick up a copy of Killing Kiss, Book 1 of the Vampire Gene Series. Gabi changed my life - literally. I was all set to have this normal mortal existence and then suddenly I'm an immortal.

Even then I didn't know what to make of the world. Part of me still wanted to carry on as normal. But that became impossible when Gabi lost it in a jealous rage ... But you don't have to take my word for that see for yourself. Since then a lot has happened, and I don't really want to give any spoilers but seriously, travelling in time can really mess with your head!

Now, almost five years on (in your time at least - but centuries in mine!) my life is very different. I'll live forever and I'm even being written about in books. I'm the head of the family, weird as that seems, and it's too complicated to explain here how that happened...

Anyway, I just wanted to have a little moan. I can do that can't I? Even though I seem to have everything? With 'everything' comes responsibility. I was only 21 when when this started. What 21 year old would really chose to be a 'queen' or even the mother of a very powerful family.

I'm sure you'll think me ungrateful, but just trying being me for a day ...